Date Monday 27th March 2017
Dear EU,
As you should now be aware, from receipt of our formal notification that we have initiated our exit from the EU under Article 50 provisions, when can we meet to begin negotiations?
Dear UK,
Any time you like.
Dear EU,
Shall we say 0900hrs tomorrow morning - Your place or ours?
Dear UK,
Fine with us - Brussels office would suit us fine.
0900 Next day - 'Good morning and welcome UK. Please take a seat gentlemen.'
Us: "Thank you and can we just say it really is a pleasure for us to be here, finally!"
Them: 'We're not exactly unhappy about your presence here too!'
Us: "Shall we get down to business then? What we'd like to know right at the outset is, what are you prepared to do for us?......in other words, let's hear your opening gambit so we can report back to Westminster with news of the progress made on day1."
Them: 'As we have repeatedly indicated in various communications and in conversations at the bar, you want to leave, fine - just get on with it. There is no deal to be had. You either want to remain in this club or you leave with nothing!'
Us: "Hang on, that's not very friendly and we are big customers of lots of products manufactured in a variety of EU countries - think how much trade your peoples will lose if we stop buying your products! Your economies will suffer enormously."
Them: 'If there's nothing else gentlemen, I think we'll call it a day then. Shall we say, same time, same place tomorrow?'
Us: "Is that it? Don't you even want to negotiate so you get a good deal too?"
Them: 'Close the door on your way out gentlemen.'
If the real scenario should bear any resemblance to the above, It's not difficult to see how negotiations may become very protracted and these trade agreements we need might take many years to resolve.
Perhaps I am being overly pessimistic but I just can't see what ammunition we have at our disposal to be taken seriously by the other 27 states. To imagine that all their economies rely on Britain's buying power is sheer arrogance. As for exports, we might manage to flog the rest of the world a few JCBs for a while but it's a bit of a stretch to imagine we manufacture enough of anything that Europe particularly needs from the UK that they can't source elsewhere....and probably cheaper. Then throw in punitive trade barriers!
0900hrs Day2 - Them: 'Good morning again gentlemen. Before we begin, We have an announcement to make. As of the beginning of the next financial quarter, all EU monetary transactions will be conducted through the European Central Bank in Frankfurt as we feel that is more appropriate and in keeping with the aims and objectives of a union of committed European nations.'
'If you would like some time to digest that matter and liaise with Westminster, we can take a break and resume discussions, shall we say after lunch?'
I'm sure someone can envisage a better situation than me but I can't get beyond the George Orwell picture that the present situation conjures up.
Tom
Dear EU,
As you should now be aware, from receipt of our formal notification that we have initiated our exit from the EU under Article 50 provisions, when can we meet to begin negotiations?
Dear UK,
Any time you like.
Dear EU,
Shall we say 0900hrs tomorrow morning - Your place or ours?
Dear UK,
Fine with us - Brussels office would suit us fine.
0900 Next day - 'Good morning and welcome UK. Please take a seat gentlemen.'
Us: "Thank you and can we just say it really is a pleasure for us to be here, finally!"
Them: 'We're not exactly unhappy about your presence here too!'
Us: "Shall we get down to business then? What we'd like to know right at the outset is, what are you prepared to do for us?......in other words, let's hear your opening gambit so we can report back to Westminster with news of the progress made on day1."
Them: 'As we have repeatedly indicated in various communications and in conversations at the bar, you want to leave, fine - just get on with it. There is no deal to be had. You either want to remain in this club or you leave with nothing!'
Us: "Hang on, that's not very friendly and we are big customers of lots of products manufactured in a variety of EU countries - think how much trade your peoples will lose if we stop buying your products! Your economies will suffer enormously."
Them: 'If there's nothing else gentlemen, I think we'll call it a day then. Shall we say, same time, same place tomorrow?'
Us: "Is that it? Don't you even want to negotiate so you get a good deal too?"
Them: 'Close the door on your way out gentlemen.'
If the real scenario should bear any resemblance to the above, It's not difficult to see how negotiations may become very protracted and these trade agreements we need might take many years to resolve.
Perhaps I am being overly pessimistic but I just can't see what ammunition we have at our disposal to be taken seriously by the other 27 states. To imagine that all their economies rely on Britain's buying power is sheer arrogance. As for exports, we might manage to flog the rest of the world a few JCBs for a while but it's a bit of a stretch to imagine we manufacture enough of anything that Europe particularly needs from the UK that they can't source elsewhere....and probably cheaper. Then throw in punitive trade barriers!
0900hrs Day2 - Them: 'Good morning again gentlemen. Before we begin, We have an announcement to make. As of the beginning of the next financial quarter, all EU monetary transactions will be conducted through the European Central Bank in Frankfurt as we feel that is more appropriate and in keeping with the aims and objectives of a union of committed European nations.'
'If you would like some time to digest that matter and liaise with Westminster, we can take a break and resume discussions, shall we say after lunch?'
I'm sure someone can envisage a better situation than me but I can't get beyond the George Orwell picture that the present situation conjures up.
Tom
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