Two cows

[Blew it]

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...

 

[trex]

Blewit, you forgot to mention:

A Greek corporation:
You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks.
You eat both of them.
The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF.
The IMF loans you two cows.
You eat both of them.
The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk.
You are out getting a haircut...

 

[funkylyn]

Honestly, Bob, that is absolutely the best laugh I have had in AGES.........and spot on.........thank you

Lynda

 

[carpetbagger]

you have 2 cows
you should have learn't your lesson after marrying the first one........

i knew you wll wanted to say it

 

[mountainsport]

Blewit, you forgot to mention:

A Greek corporation:
You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks.
You eat both of them.
The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF.
The IMF loans you two cows.
You eat both of them.
The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk.
You are out getting a haircut...

Or

A Bristish Corporation
You have two cows.
They both try to run away quickly!
Both are caught then are slaughtered and butchered.
Looking very closely the meat resembles and taste like horse meat.
Funnily, they are still out there on the loose,weren't really caught in the first place.
Have i killed this horse meat joke even more now ?

Mountainsport.

 

[billadie]

You have two cows
To help the poor cow get up the hill to the milking parlour, you buy it a small electric trolley.
Your neighbour hitches the other cow to a carbon fibre trolley.
To make it climb the hill faster he feeds it vast quantities of drugs and pays a Vet to ride on the trolley and provide blood transfusions.
Your neighbour denounces you as a cheat.

 

[shemozzle999]

You have two cows.
The next day you receive a letter from Tesco offering you a milk supply contract for 1p/ltr.

 

[carpetbagger]

You have two cows.
You swap them for two lots of magic beans.
You grow two beanstalks.
You end up meeting two giants.
You get two golden eggs.

You have a herd of cows.
You swap them for lots of beans
You grow lots of beanstalks
You meet lots of giants
You get lots of golden eggs
You retire as one smug banker