Dating in your 50s

[Woosh]

Someone I know, and no, its not me, I am spoken for (although dinner with George Clooney (is that how you spell it?) wouldn't go amiss)..... would very much like a new man in her life. Nothing complicated, just companionship. She is a really nice person, slim, attractive, intelligent, good conversationalist, separated, grown up son, lives near London.
She has tried LOADS of things over the past 5 years, from online dating websites and speed dating events to small specialist London based agencies . She never gets past the first date. Almost every man she meets, she says, sits there and talks about himself non stop. Doesn't bother to ask her ANYTHING about herself. I said it was probably due to terrible nerves but she is getting very disillusioned now. Without wanting to start an outright war between the sexes, can I ask.... is this a man thing or has she just been very unlucky so far?
Have any of you men out there been doing the dating thing lately and perhaps had problems with us girls...just to restore the balance?
Another thing she has often found is downright lies - photos taken 30 years ago, untruths about profession or marital status - and she can't see why complete honesty should be such a problem? I did say that they are having to market themselves a bit but she says she'd rather they didn't fib about things - she'd only find out later anyway. Far better to be honest from the outset and I tend to agree with her.
Actually, most of our male customers are really lovely on the phone....all totally charming, and some are quite happy to flirt too! So don't get me wrong, I'm not anti men, far from it! But I just wondered, like her, if this thing above really is a man thing, or a man-nerves thing......or perhaps its her?

Hatti

 

[jazper53]

Did join a computer dating agency to find him the perfect mate. ‘I want a companion who is small and cute,’ I said. ‘She must love water sports and enjoy group activities.’ The computer says, ‘Marry a penguin.’

 

[flecc]

I think it's probably a characteristic more likely to be found in a man using a dating site Hatti. Using such a site predicates that the man must be willing to give lots of detail about himself, so at the outset biased to those whose favourite subject is themselves.

There are many men who are embarrassed to speak about themselves or anything they might have achieved, but of course they are less likely to be using the confessional of a dating website.

Equally there are the many with an inferiority complex who are anxious to hide their true nature and nervously talk about what they perceive to be their advantages. They are the ones likely to over-egg their profiles and use old photos.

I think your friend's best chance is to take every opportunity to casually converse with anyone she is in the proximity of when those chances occur. Some find this easier than others, for me I find it easy and I've made a few long term friends in this manner. Walking is the best activity in this respect, but of course it's sad that so many drive everywhere and walk so little, greatly reducing such opportunities. Supermarkets are good venues for opening conversations though, while waiting in queues there's many an opportunity to comment on something happening, or kindly offering someone with little to check out the opportunity to go in front. That's usually pleasantly refused, but is a good conversation opener while the queue progresses.

There are many similar opportunities elsewhere, but you get the gist of what I'm suggesting.

 

[Woosh]

I do indeed get the gist, Flecc and how right you are!
I have told her that the right person will probably turn up out of the blue and that perhaps the harder she pursues things the less likely her chances of success.

I do hope though that anyone who is dating or thinking about it at the moment and who is reading this does just take a minute to think whether they do ask enough about the other person, especially face to face. It could make a real difference!

Having said all this I have family members and two lots of friends (all in their 40s and 50s) who all met online and are now married or engaged...so it isn't all bad!

Hatti

 

[funkylyn]

God Hatti.....tell your friend she wants to try dating at sixty.......nightmare lol

I have lots of friends, male and female who are on dating sites at the moment......not me now, but I have used them in the past.
I could certainly tell her some horrendous stories, but as you say, its not all bad, my cousin Tracey met the love of her life last year online aged 47, and also several friends have too.

My daughter met her husband online at 28......and her best friend did too....it certainly works, you just have to ' kiss a lot of frogs' as they say.

The 'old picture' thing is used, in all of our experiences, equally by men and women.....I just do not understand why anyone would use a photo taken 10/15/20 years previously and have the other person bitterly disappointed at first meeting....crazy, but happens loads.

Sorry guys, but I do think that as men get older they seem to become more set in their ways than women and start to have a terrible habit of constantly moaning, hence the oft used "victor meldrew" phrase.

Also, it seems to me that most men in their sixties upwards are more desperate to find someone, they dont seem to be as happy and content with their own company as women of that age group generally are, at least thats what we have all found.

Of course I can only generalize, but that has been the experience of everyone I know so far.

Im not sexist either......I really love men, I have two extremely close male best friends ( that I didnt meet on a dating site ) as well as my close female friends.

There may indeed be plenty of fish out there but an awful lot of them turn out to be either sharks or old trouts......tell her not to give up hope, she WILL find someone and when she does she will realise that he has been well worth the wait........believe me

Lynda

 

[flecc]

Sorry guys, but I do think that as men get older they seem to become more set in their ways than women and start to have a terrible habit of constantly moaning, hence the oft used "victor meldrew" phrase.

No argument Lynda, that's my experience of a high proportion of older men, including those in my family. They don't seem to realise how boring their constant moans are.

Also, it seems to me that most men in their sixties upwards are more desperate to find someone, they dont seem to be as happy and content with their own company as women of that age group generally are, at least thats what we have all found.

Of course I can only generalize, but that has been the experience of everyone I know so far.

Agreed again, and something else I don't understand. I'm equally happy on my own or in others company. When I had a boat on the south coast, I would occasionally spend a week or more offshore, anchoring out overnight, just to be able to have continuous solitude for a change.

 

[RobF]

I think we all become more set in our ways as we become older.

For a single person, that means much less room in their life for anybody else.

Such signals can be sent out without the single person realising it, but the prospective partner does.

 

[Storcker]

Having been divorced after 14 years of marriage whilst in my early 30's I've stayed single, and not dated, since for over 30 years due to being scared of being treated like that again.

 

[funkylyn]

I think we all become more set in our ways as we become older.

For a single person, that means much less room in their life for anybody else.

Such signals can be sent out without the single person realising it, but the prospective partner does.

Yes maybe we all do become more settled in our ways as we get older, but I think generally women stay more open to change if it arrives.

Personally I have always been happy with my own company and as some of you know, I have always been happy to drive alone around europe in my m/home, even whilst still married as my ex wasnt as keen on travel.

But even though I am totally happy when alone and being able to please myself when/where/if I eat/sleep/ or do whatever, thats not to say that Im not still open to meeting the man of my dreams and being happy for the status quo to change in a moment ..... as far as I am concerned THE romance could be just around the corner.......or indeed, just down that cycle path.......

Im ever the optimist and I would never let one, or indeed more, bad experiences put me off, life really is for living and we really are a long time dead.

Meanwhile, I'm totally laid back, happy and content....especially since taking up vaping

And .......really excited about moving back to my geordie roots........just as soon as I can sell my house .......anyone looking for a holiday cottage in Ilminster ??.......haway man.....

Lynda

 

[funkylyn]

Actually, Im just sat here thinking ( whilst vaping vodka and lime lol ).....we dont half cover a diverse range of subjects on this site ........

No one could ever accuse us members of being boring

Lynda

 

[Deleted member 4366]

Shame she doesn't live near Telford! All I can say is that there's a lot of shallow people out there. I've done internet dating before and both times ended up in long-term relationships with the first one I met, but since my last break-up 10 years ago, I've never bothered to do it again.

 

[flecc]

.....we dont half cover a diverse range of subjects on this site ........

May it ever be thus. Just having e-bikes endlessly as a subject would be too boring to contemplate.

 

[Eaglerider]

A different topic indeed, but one that I'm sure vexes us all at some stage or another. Having been divorced 5 years now after a solid 26 years married bliss, I have also found myself 'on the market'. From my perspective it seems much the same from my side Hatti, a lack of honesty is prevalent, and I wonder if it's worth bothering at all. But every now and again I find the urge for some female company starts to nag at me, and I am obliged to once more 'step out into the void'.

As mentioned, I am also set in my ways, but I don't see that should be a disadvantage. Of late I have started attending dancing classes, ostensibly to gain access to some 'crumpet'!! As it turns out I am rather enjoying the dancing and appear to have overlooked my original objective for the moment. I have been in receipt of a couple of opportunities, but no magic as yet. I guess it is all symptomatic of the "human condition".

I have resolved that if fate has any romance in store, then it will occur or not as the case may be, and until then, it's up the pub on my ebike! But then, perhaps, tonight is 'the night'. Only time will tell.

 

[hech]

Okay so why don't we all meet for a gang bang!

ps I bin single so long they reinstated my virginity!

 

[Scimitar]

And .......really excited about moving back to my geordie roots........just as soon as I can sell my house .......anyone looking for a holiday cottage in Ilminster ??.......haway man.....

Lynda

Here, have a stottie cake.

 

[funkylyn]

Here, have a stottie cake.

Mmmmmmmm.......with a saveloy dip and pease pudding ? .......drools........

Lynda

 

[tillson]

I've been banned from all dating sites until my sex drive diminishes to a socially acceptable level. (Only joking, luckily I've been married to a very beautiful and kind lady for 19 years.)