Cheer up

[mike killay]

Paddy took two stuffed dogs to the Antiques Road Show in Dublin.

”Aah!” said the presenter enthusiastically, “This is a very rare set
produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers, taxidermists, who operated in
London at the turn of the last century.
Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?”







“Sticks,” said Paddy.

 

[eBoy]

Tee hee!

I won't say my wife's lazy, but she's just bought a smoke alarm with a snooze button!

 

[Benjahmin]

My wife said she couldn't make the tea 'cos the cat was on her lap. Said she was incapussitated

 

[wolfmandave15]

Learn to ride a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live. (Mark Twain)

 

[eBoy]

An e-biker sets off for work, but it's cold, so he puts his jacket on back to front in order to cheat the wind. He only gets a hundred yards down the road before riding into a big hole being dug by roadmen. His wife runs up, crying, "My poor husband - is he alright?" And one of the roadmen replies, "Well, he seemed okay, missus, till we turned his head back round the right way!"

 

[nightrider]

Tee hee!

I won't say my wife's lazy, but she's just bought a smoke alarm with a snooze button!

Had to get sleeping pills for the wife the other day, she woke up.

 

[eBoy]

My old gran refused surgery at the local hospital because she saw a sign in the car-park saying 'Thieves operate in this area!'

 

[mike killay]

A drover from a huge cattle station in the outback appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the drover offered.
"Once, on a trip to the back blocks of Broken Hill out in New South Wales , I came across a gang of bikers who were threatening a young sheila. I told them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed bikie and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.


I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the s**t out of the lot of ya!"






St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"








"A couple of minutes ago."

 

[eBoy]

LOL!

My old gran rang me up and said, "Guess what! I've been taken into hospital and I'm in bed with Morrissey!"

I replied, "I'm sorry, Gran, but I think you'll find that's MRSA!"

 

[eBoy]

A farmer counted the sheep in his field and found he had 199. But when he rounded them up, he had 200. LOL!

 

[eBoy]

Last weekend I attended a Roger Moore James Bond convention, but I went as Sean Connery. There were a few raised eyebrows, I can tell you!

 

[eBoy]

When my old grandad died recently, he left me his effects. I got a wah-wah pedal and a smoke machine!

LOL! ROLF!